“A smart person knows what to say; a wise person knows whether or not to say it.” -Anonymous.
One thing is for sure; I am grateful for the backspace and delete buttons on social media, and I am incredibly thankful for the Holy Spirit who will tell me, “No, you don’t want to put that.”
Even if I say something positive, I have learned how social media works. People – even your friends, will pounce on you if it is something with which they disagree. My Mama always told me (and Thumper’s Mama told him), “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.”
One of my favorite quotes from Ernest Hemingway expresses how I feel most of the time, “A writer must write what he has to say, not speak it.” I like taking the time to write my thoughts, search for the right word, and edit how to say them better.
But what about the times I am not writing? I’ve lived in Tennessee and Kentucky most of my life, and I talk like it. I don’t have the time to think of all the rules or to polish what I am saying as it comes from my lips. I may not speak as properly in person as I do in my writing, so it is an effort to pause and think about what I say – or to know when not to say it.
Proverbs 17:27 “Whoever restrains his words has knowledge, and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding.”
When we can ‘bite our tongue,’ it is also good to keep our cool. If we are passionate about something or want to share what we know, it is good to weigh our reasons. Do we want authority over the person we are speaking to or coming across as better than or more intelligent? Are we prideful? Controlling?
What effort (and wisdom) it takes to be quiet. I don’t mean we should be a wallflower or behave timidly if that isn’t our personality, but I do think we need to listen and pause more.
When I was a little girl, I heard the phrase, “children should be seen and not heard.” I didn’t like that. I don’t think anyone from my generation did. And as we grew up and had children, we made sure to throw out that coined phrase. But I also noticed that my generation was less respectful when communicating. We interrupted.
When technology made life easier, we used our memory less, and certain prescription drugs may have also affected our memory so that we spout off, “Before I forget, let me say…” and interrupt each other.
We also think we need to say “everything.” Whatever comes to mind as our friend talks, we want to identify with them or tell what we know about the subject, and we are ready to say what is on our minds instead of hearing what our friend is saying – and sometimes what they aren’t saying.
We can take time to listen to body language. We will sometimes hear what a pause or sigh might mean when someone has a loss for words. Instead of constantly interjecting my thoughts, I desire to talk less and listen more. Isn’t it your desire, too? This is something I work on continuously. I have found that I gain more wisdom by listening to the heart – whether my own or someone else’s- and observing what is being said or not said.
I like to play the “what if” game inside my mind when I do things I don’t want to do. What if I didn’t always have a point to get across? What if I was quiet and just listened? What if the person speaking to me needs just to be heard and doesn’t need my input? What if I give them grace and the time to work it out? What if I listened and just prayed for them?
Yes, I know the Lord uses us and gives us the words to speak when witnessing to someone or helping them, but aside from those moments, how many more times are we talking when we haven’t taken the time to pray or hear from the Holy Spirit? Why do we think we have to fill the silence? There is so much to hear in the silence.
I have been talking with someone, and they tell me they knew it was God saying it, and it was just what they needed to hear. I love those times, but how often have I been talking and thinking, “I’m not even saying anything, and I just keep talking,” and I am ready for someone to drop the curtain or pull me off the stage with an extended hook!
Those are the times I want to be quieted by the Holy Spirit and make effort to listen, pause and understand.