Before You Say “I Do”
Is there anything lovelier than a June Wedding? June is usually the safest month when planning an outdoor ceremony. You selected the perfect day, the wedding party, the florist, and the attire. You make several decisions for your perfect day until your head is spinning.
What did you forget?
Let’s back way up to the most essential thing – selecting your lifelong mate. A wedding is one day, but your mate is for life. When you become an adult, if finding someone to love is first on your mind or a check-off list, please know there is more to it than that.
You might consider what is important to you when thinking about who you want to marry.
“They have to be tall.”
“They have to be successful.”
“They have to come from a good family.”
And when you’re a Christian, you think more along the lines of, “They have to love God.”
While these seem like positive attributes in selecting a mate, it still doesn’t touch on the most important thing we need to understand before we say, “I do.”
After my relationship mistakes and obtaining God-given wisdom throughout the years, I wrote a book called BREADCRUMBS – Finding True Love’s Trail. I have failed (and have seen others fail) in relationships, and I want to share with you the one thing I found is a must before ever searching for the person with whom you will spend the rest of your life.
Know who you are. To know ourselves the way God knows us.
As young adults, we must first understand that the world will attempt to tell us who we are. But we must make an effort to hear God’s voice. No matter what our background, education, or choice in career, and no matter what we have thought of ourselves, it is what God thinks of us where we must begin to understand what He has for us.
I married as soon as I turned 18, thinking I had found the one who loved me and who I loved. I thought that was all there was to it. Simple right? But, even though I was a Christian and knew Jesus as my Lord and Savior, I still didn’t know “me.” I was so young. I didn’t have an identity.
I talk about this more in my book, but to avoid mistakes or heartaches, please understand that you need to have an identity, know who you are, what your likes/dislikes are, what your goals are, and what God wants for you is so vital before merging your life with someone. If you don’t know these things, how do you expect to unite your life with someone – especially if they don’t know these things either?
I made the mistake of adopting others’ dreams, goals, and desires as my own. I was the baby of my family, so I had grown up listening to their advice and not thinking for myself.
But God created me with a purpose. He loved me and wanted to give me the desires of my heart. I didn’t understand that my “true” desires would align with God’s. And it takes time to experience the lessons leading to this truth. I didn’t ask God what “He” wanted for my life when I was 18 and thought I knew what I wanted.
Through hardship and many learned lessons, my faith grew, and I realized my relationship with God needed work before I could think of having any other relationship. I realized that I had looked to the world for answers and myself. I looked for things in a man I should have looked to God for first. The key to knowing ourselves is first knowing that God is our everything. He is our provider, companion, counselor, and first love! If we don’t see Him as the answer to everything in our lives, and if He isn’t the first resource we go to when faced with decisions or problems, we will not succeed in looking for these things in another person. And frankly, is a lot of pressure to expect our helpmate to be all these things or for us to be all these things for them. We are human, and we will fail at times, but God is consistent.
To be confident in who you are in Christ permits us to set healthy boundaries, find our niche, and hear God’s voice when choosing our spouse. For a God-given marriage, take time to know who God says you are and to have a close relationship with Him first. As you practice hearing His voice and walking with Him daily as your companion, you will know who He has for you and when He has given them.